Kicking Adult Child Out Of The Home – You have your home but it’s cluttered with potato chip bags by your adult child, who refuses to find work and is constantly asking you for money, but now it’s time to cut the cord and enact on something that’s called “tough love.”
This is not about grown children whose parents are helping without enabling, who allow their adult kids to live in their house temporarily, perhaps right after college graduation, while the kids do everything possible to find some kind of gainful employment to pay their own bills and make ends meet. Temporarily allowing adult kids to move back home, pay rent and help out around the house with clearly established boundaries, can be advantageous for the parents and the kids on a verrry short-term basis.
Parents, if you need good reasons why you should kick out your grown adult children, or your kids are lazy slackers who treat your home like a free bed-and-breakfast or hotel, then drop the guilt.
You are not a people pleasing doormat for your adult kids to wipe their dirty feet on. If you don’t let go of the guilt nonsense, your grown kids are going to try and use it against you. They know your emotional hot buttons and kids push those buttons until parents give in, or until parents use tough love and make it perfectly clear the manipulation attempts and guilt-tripping won’t work.
If your grown kids have basically become a permanent fixture on your couch, or are not fulfilling their part of the contracted arrangement by putting in the time and effort to find a job and move out on their own, the freeloading and mooching stops now. If you have been spending months or years trying your darndest to get a lazy, unmotivated, abusive, disrespectful adult child to move out on their own, implement Tough Love 101.
This means closing your wallet or checkbook and put up a handmade sign over “their” bedroom door saying the bank of mom and dad is hereby closed for business, effective immediately.
Parents should not enable their grown children, keeping them from growing up and becoming independent, by giving them money when they are old enough to earn it for themselves.
Doing so deprives and cripples them of the opportunity and need to grow into mentally, emotionally and spiritually mature human beings providing for their own needs and wants.
Encourage and motivate, yes. Enable, no.